I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
