somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
