i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
