Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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