Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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