I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
