So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
