We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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