He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
