I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
This house was built for laser tag.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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