Just cropdusted the office
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
