he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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