no, he came in my armpit
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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