Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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