He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
