Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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