I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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