I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
