Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
