would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You are the jesus of drinking
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
