I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
