This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
