tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All I want is dick and wine.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
