I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
