i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
