I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
