It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
