Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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