Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The air taste purple.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
