k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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