i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
All the doctor said was why
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
