Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
