Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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