Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
