You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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