Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
