This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
