This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
