I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
