watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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