i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
