If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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