Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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