haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You made out with two different species that night
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
