I will die if light touches me.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
