I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
