Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
