i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
