I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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