Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
