You're a womanizer and a bitch.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
