3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
