I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
