I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
