I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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